On the suggestion of Demorial, the party decides they need to find a better information broker in a larger settlement, preferably not populated by demons and evil petitioners… perhaps Sigil? Thebestys? Automata would be the nearest settlement to there, and Demorial informs them that they might even be able to find a portal to Sigil’s Foundry within Automata.
How to get to Automata, though? Safe travel to Ribcage was previously provided by The Concordant Express, but it won’t be back for some time (a week).
Asking around town, the party learns of another train bound for Automata, and that it should arrive around antipeak (aka midnight).
The party gets directions to the train station, only to find it completely empty, with the exception of Mina, who is also seeking to make her way to Sigil (having overheard the party’s conversation with Demorial). She agrees to travel with the party, since they’re going in the same direction.
Sure enough, around antipeak, the train arrives — though it’s not quite what everyone was expecting. Rather than a mechanical train of wheels and steel, this train is one of… meat.
The main engine, at least, does somewhat resemble a typical train, albeit a biomechanical one being covered in chains, tangles of wires, and eerie, pulsating red lights. Also, at the very front, an incredibly large, elongated, pulsating brain. The cars behind it linked together like lengths of intestine, the “door” to the first passenger car a sphincter-like portal.
The interior of the main passenger car, at least, is somewhat more mundane in appearance, with rows of seats. However, the seats are made of sinew and bone. The walls are skin, thinning enough in some places so as to be transparent enough to act as windows. A few darkly dressed passengers are scatter about the cabin, with a large man silently standing at the back of the car.
The large man is very stoutly built, sporting a blonde buzzcut over a neanderthal-like brow ridge, and wearing a grey suit. He stares off into the distance at seemingly nothing, his face completely devoid of expression. In one hand he carries what appears to be a heavy grey metal canister.
The party attempts to communicate with the large man, but he doesn’t respond in the slightest, still staring straight ahead as if they aren’t even then.
A rather load man informs them that the man, named Birch, doesn’t respond to anyone, and they would be better off keeping their distance. The man who spoke to them is named Lazerus, a stocky, bearded fellow wearing a dapper black vest with red collar.
The train departs and the passengers can get a much clearer view of the blasted hellscape moving across a red-orange sky.
The train approaches its first tunnel. As it passes through, the entire train goes black in unnatural, inky darkness that extinguishes all light, and even appears to confound the keener senses of those species with low-light and darkvision.
Out of the blackness, the party can hear loud, slowly thudding footsteps. Then, the piercing scream of a woman, then a wet thud.
A pinched voice. “What the fuck?”
Another wet thud.
The voice of Lazerus: “The deuce? Oh, here we go again.”
Another wet thud.
When the car exits the tunnel, everyone is standing relatively in their same places, but three people are dead — Nadia, Carl Robertson, and Lazerus. Birch is covered in blood, gore dripping off of his metal canister.
Namby the Tireless becomes enraged at the loss of his friends and attacks Birch, stabbing him repeatedly to seemingly no effect. And, contrary to his name, becomes tired from the exertion. Birch summarily caves his skull in with his canister.
Horrified, the party backs away from Birch toward the front of the train. Strangely, Lazerus wakes and stands back up.
“I say chap, what’s the point? You just keep ruining my smashing ensembles with blood and scalp fragments, I’ll not be becoming one of your DELECTABLE finger sandwiches any time soon, you know this!”
Birch caves his skull in again.
The party forces their way into the engine room to create as much distance as possible.
The heart of the train is a fusion of machinery and pulsating organic matter. Massive gears interlock with tendons, and a dark, viscous fluid drips fromt he ceiling, pooling on the floor. The air is thick with the smell of burning oil and decaying flesh.
A psychic force intrudes into Francis’s mind, conveying a sense of mirth at the party’s situation. The train?
Investigating the room further, the party discovers what appear to be infernal instructions describing how the train operates. It should be controlled through arcane programming, but as Francis manages to establish a firmer psychic link with the train and learns more through the infernal script, she discovers the train circumvented its instruction a long time ago.
Francis does discover that the brain could be influenced by directing electrical shocks to the different lobes of the train’s brain.
Direct access to the train’s brain could only be accessed from the roof of the train, and the only safe means of getting there would be to go to the very back of the train.
Along the roof of the entire length of the train is a large, main “artery,” a sort of tube controlling hydraulics and nutrient delivery, large enough that a person could get in. However, the current would require a very strong swimmer to move against. The openings of the artery can be controlled by altering pH — higher pH opening valves, which eventually close on their own.
Fearing what might happen if they go through another tunnel, Conrad volunteers to enter the artery and make his way to the back of the train.
While he’s doing that, the train passes through another tunnel, and the party can hear a door opening in the other car, and Birch’s loud footsteps seeming to move away from them. Going back, they find Birch is gone. Lazerus, is sitting back in his seat, watching the landscape outside one of the “windows.”
The party continues its way toward the back of the train, still not finding Birch. Along the way, they happen across:
- A dining car staffed by flesh golems serving suspicious food.
- An observation car with large windows offering a full view of the hellish landscapes the train traverses. They find a button near one of the windows that creates a tiny opening to the outside (though too small for anyone to actually squeeze though).
- A living quarters car containing four different rooms, which they investigate closer.
Meanwhile, Conrad continue making his way toward the back of the train via main artery, eventually ending up in a cargo car full of crates and barrels held in place by myriads of chains. He continues back into the final rear car, which is covered from head to toe in chains and runes, occupied by a single elderly chain devil, Ramon, sitting in the center of the car. He’s not quite all there (and keeps mentioning the name “Raymond”), but doesn’t appear hostile, and all the chains of the train appear to come from him.
The rest of the party enter the various rooms of the living quarters car, including:
- What appears to be Birch’s bedroom, full of portraits of cats, an easel with oil paints, and plates packed high with deli meats. In a sink are bits of blood and severed skin growths. From a speaker mounted on the wall near the ceiling, a voice endlessly drones “The birch canoe slid along the smooth planks,” which the party takes. They also discover (and take) a dead cat from a locker.
- A door that’s less a door and more of a blood stained sphincter, labeled “Asmodeus’s Asshole.” They don’t investigate this too closely.
- A room housing only a coffin, the occupant apparently named “Mash.” They steal some prayer beads giving off a strong magical aura (as yet unidentified).
- Another room that is completely empty save for what looks like an animated eye.
That last room they hide in when they hear Birch making his way back toward them. After Birch passes—presumably returning to the front—the party exits and continues their grim journey, hoping to find a way to control or survive the nightmare ride.
The next car is a freezing cold train car, dozens of dead bodies hung on hooks, marble slabs covered in blood, butchering implements. On the wall is taped up a route map for the train. Studying the map, the party discovers which route they’re on, as well as numerous points on the route that are circled red.
The party the continues on its way past the meat car, to the next one. This car is a twisted alchemist’s lab, with tables covered in bizarre, otherworldly experiments. Vials of strange liquids bubble, and mutated creatures writhe in cages. They also find a woman, Seraphine Stillblood, who repeatedly mutters strange phrases to herself over and over while working over various alchemical implements. Her voice resembles that of the one that was coming from the speaker in Birch’s room. As the party tries to probe her for information, she waves them off, saying “Get me something to eat from the Dining Car.” Which they do. In return, she gives the party an abnormally strong tanglebag, as well as informing the party that the red circles they saw on the map in the meat car were “murder tunnels.” This gives them some insight into there being a possible track change, which can avoid all the tunnels while still getting them to the same location. Doing some math, they realize they only have a very short time to initiate the track change before the next murder tunnel.
The party races back to the observation car, where Jig uses the button they previously found to open a small opening through which he could aim his gun. Firing off a round at very long range, he manages to hit the necessary lever in the distance to initiate the track change, thus avoiding any more murder tunnels.
At some point, the party could hear Birch making his way back toward them, and opt to hide back in the living quarters car, inside the room with the strange eye, which they eventually realize is actually a monitor. The sentient train comes a realization about the party making a course change, and the entire train shudders to a stop. Watching in horror through the monitor, the party sees what appears to be spider legs sprouting from each car, and the train lifts itself off the tracks to turn the entire train around. The train then sets itself back on the tracks… to move in the opposite direction.
Realizing this would eventually result in the train entering another murder tunnel, the party races to the next car: This car is filled with crates and barrels, some of which have broken open to reveal horrific contents—parts of demons, rare magical components, and sinister artifacts. The walls are lined with pulsating veins and muscles. All the barrels and crates are held firmly in place by chains, which upon close examination can move on their own if interacted with. The party leaves this car alone, as they are short on time.
The final car is the one Conrad had already visited, the one housing Ramon. Ramon ignore the party as they proceed to the back, and make their way to the roof of the car as they hear Birch coming toward them.
The party races along the roof until they reach the engine of the car, all the while being chased by Birch. Upon the engine, they make their final stand. The rest of the party held off birch by any means possible while Francis utilized precise shocks on the engine’s brain to gain control over its functions. Eventually, Francis trigger’s the train’s emergency Plane Shift fallback, directing it to open a gate to the first layer of the Beastlands.
When the train enters the gate, it appears over the River Oceanus in the beastlands, and crashes into it. The party mostly manages to stay afloat and avoid the undercurrent created by the sinking train. Mina, however, being bloodied and exhausted, failed to swim against the current. Conrad cast a spell to float Mina back to the surface, though she dropped her treasured hammer.
The party made its way to shore, where they recover. Not long after making it to shore, they see the engine of the train appear at the other side of the river, using its spider legs to rapidly crawl to a forest and finally disappear into it.